Thursday, November 10, 2005
/7:23 amI've woken up for about half an hour, there's a french test at 10 and I haven't gone back to my books at all yet. Instead, I just sit, click around, read, and think. Oh yes, and blog too.
Mornings are my favourite time of the day. The sun's just right to study without the lights, but it isn't as bright and glaring as it would have been around 10 - 2, and the temperature is perfect. There's a serenity about the mornings in PGP, which is why I willingly wake up at hours this early just to appreciate it. Perhaps everyone is still asleep and those who aren't asleep are at this time, heading to the bus terminal for the first bus to their 8 o'clock lessons (or perhaps brushing their teeths and trying to catch the next bus to their 8 o'clock lessons). The rooms which I face have closed windows and blinds let down - perhaps clear signs of asleep occupants.
These days all I do in my room is think. Maybe think is not the correct word, dwell would be a much better one. I dwell on things, on people, on incidents, on personal values, on family, on love, on friendship, and as I told glynsen yesterday, it can be terribly lonely in PGP, stuck alone in the room with your sadness and sorrows and happiness and joys and having no one to share it with. He promptly pointed me to MSN, SMS, and all other sort of modern communicative devices.
After a rather dismal writing conference yesterday where my brain started falling asleep (and a subsequent 1.5hour nap in my room), and after attempting to re-do part of my draft, I printed a page of 32 round-buttony-nose-d smileys. How do they look like? Well, something like this :o). Imagine 32 of them, reoriented on a piece of paper such that the : is on top and the ) is below, and you have the latest addition to my corkboard. It's meant to make me happier, but right after I printed it, I started crying instead. I don't know, maybe I'm at the end of my teether with the school term wrapping up today, yet I still have loose ends. Paper 3. Moral issues paper (of which all I've started doing is trying to decide which question to do). Econs exam. EU exam (of this I think I'm screwed because I can't think the way they want me to think). But yes, back to the smiley. The reason why it means something and why it makes me smile, aside from the fact that it looks cute, was that he was the one who showed it to me, about some 6 years ago when we first started talking.
And somehow, we're 1/3 through November in 2005, which means I've known him for 6 years (and so have I known Colin). 2005 seems to pass so fast. It didn't pass in terms of months or days. It slipped by in weeks if you get what I mean. Week by week went by and they translated into months. Perhaps that's how life will go by in future. At the start of each week we look to its end, and with the end of one comes the start of the other and life, my life, just moves past me without me realising. I started 2005 with so many hopes and aspirations, and 1 month and a bit more from the end of the year, many of those have evaporated, disappeared into thin air, and I'm here, in a little 9 metre square room in PGP, at the end of my school semester (with undone assignments), trying to make sense of what I have and what I don't.