Monday, September 27, 2004
The end of exams (and possibly everything) /9:23 pmAnd it ends here. (for the time being)
I feel so lost. There's so little to hold on to. I'm so thankful for guan - it seems like whenver I'm lost or drifting she comes to me, either by the phone, by a message or by meeting her online. It's a reminder of what I am, what I used to be, of the people around me that haven't changed. There is a constant.
It feels like things are so different - there won't be lessons, everyone is slowly drifting away from that unit as a class. There is no more hcco, no more days and nights spent in lt3, lt2. All that's left is the dull ache of losing something so precious.
Even you - you have changed through the years. Between a similar scenario now and two years ago, your reactions have varied so much. I am happy to have seen you grown, to be a friend of yours. You were always my best friend in co, and I think that's something that will never change. I treasure your friendship, I treasure our 'partnership', and I hope even as I move on from hcco, even when I will eventually leave csco, our friendship transcends beyond the orchestra, that it is something that will not fade. I think, that perhaps even you don't know how much you mean to me.
I need to find my bearings again. I'm just moving along with the flow of things, studying when exams come, relaxing when they're over and it won't be long again before I have to pick up the books. I go for practice every sunday because it's routine, because if I don't go it doesn't feel right. I go home for dinner just because it's expected of me. I'm not living.
Perhaps I need to get in touch with people again. People that mean something to me.